Thursday, 2 August 2012

A Guy Walks Into a Bar . . .

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer.  The bartender asks “Long neck?” and the giraffe replies “Some people think so . . .”

According to the Encyclopedia of American Jokes, someone, or something, has been walking into bars for the past 120 years, with risible results!

The Lake Okoboji Area Improvement Association, of Lake Okoboji, Iowa, has decided that it’s time to celebrate and commemorate these bar jokes.  And so, according to Larry Lopper, the chairman of the Lake Okoboji Area Improvement Association (LOAIA), the town will host a “Best Walk-in Bar Joke Competition” this coming January, 2013.  Why in the middle of an Iowa winter?  Because, says Lopper, that’s when things slow down, except for the ice fishing, and many ice anglers find that walking into a bar beats freezing over a hole in the ice! The whole area could use a little excitement that time of year, adds Lopper.  The tentative date is set for Sunday, January 27, 2013. 

A horse walks into a bar, so the bartender asks “Why the long face?”

The event is planned to take place – where else? – in a bar, at Emily’s Tavern and Marina, on Lake Okoboji.  Emily Stuhlstead, who is the owner and operator of Emily’s Tavern and Marina, and vice chairperson of the LOAIA, lays out the ground rules for the competition:  “It’s open to anyone who can legally be in a bar; here in Iowa that means those 21 years of age and over.  The entry fee is five-dollars, which we’ll waive if you buy two beers or a cocktail.  If you’re an area farmer, raising corn or soybeans, we’ll let you enter for free; we want to get the rural people involved as much as possible; it’s good business.  Your joke has to be clean and family-friendly, although we’ll allow a little political incorrectness. 
Like this one, which my boyfriend told me last night – “A subpoena walks into a bar and the bartender says ‘We don’t serve any subpoenas in here’, and fifteen deadbeat dads go ‘Whew!’ 
 --   we’ll draw numbers from a hat and then you just go up on the little stage where our country western bands usually play, and tell your walk-in bar joke.  One joke per person.  Our panel of judges hasn’t been selected yet; we think we’ll be using the school board or else the city council, whichever one wants to step up first.  The winner, as determined by the judges, will receive a gift certificate for a hundred-dollar shopping spree in Okoboji, and his or her name and photograph will be featured in the Lake Okoboji Shopper newspaper.  We think it will be a lot of fun, and good for area tourism, too!”

Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer; the bartender says “Okay, just don’t get any bright ideas!”  

When asked if the LOAIA had contacted any beer companies to see if they want to do a tie in, Ms. Stuhlstead was quiet for a moment, before replying: “Lopper’s been talking to ‘em.  I haven’t had an update in a while.  Maybe I better check!”
She then scurried down the street to the hardware store, which is owned and operated by Larry Lopper, for a detailed consultation . . .

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra . . . 

Tim Torkildson is a former news director for several radio stations in Northwestern Iowa, where he developed a liking for soybeans, corn, and bar jokes!  He is currently a free-lance blogger for heartland agricultural companies such as

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